TWO LIVES FOREVER CHANGED BY SURPRISE MESSAGES
John and Kayla were looking forward to building a life together as they planned their wedding in 2008. They were hopeful for children to expand their close-knit group of friends and family who all lived nearby. The couple felt their lives had come together to build an exciting future when John received an unexpected letter that changed their lives for the best. John, who was adopted as an infant, was contacted by his birthmother. In his 25 years of life, John had never spoken to her.
John and his older sister Ann were adopted as infants through Boys & Girls Aid. While open adoptions are common today and contact between an adopted child and their birthmother is encouraged, open adoptions prior to the late 1980s were uncommon. A mother would make an adoption plan knowing that it was unlikely that she would ever see her child again.
While John’s parents were very open about the fact he had been adopted, it rarely crossed his mind as he grew up. He had a childhood filled with playing outdoors, sibling squabbles, and sports with little thought given to where he came from.
A few months before their wedding, John received a letter from Boys & Girls Aid acting as an intermediary asking if he would be open to contact with his birthmother, Barb. He agreed and they began exchanging emails and talking on the phone. Soon after, John, Kayla, and his mother Mary Ellen made the trip to meet Barb. It was the first time that his two moms would meet.
They planned their reunion halfway between their homes at the Columbia Gorge Hotel. It was an exciting and emotional time of sharing stories and laughter, and it was just the beginning. John has two younger half-siblings who, along with Barb’s husband, have all become part of John’s family. They now visit each other several times a year and enjoy going on vacations together.
This wasn’t the first time that an out-of-the-blue message had transformed John’s life. He and Kayla met through a social media site in 2005 when he sent her a random message telling her that he thought she was cute. Kayla responded with no expectations in mind and agreed to meet John for a date.
Over dinner at a local Applebee’s they were surprised to find out how much they have in common. While they were both born in Salem, Kayla grew up in the nearby Silverton area where her family still resides. They come from tightknit families who enjoy hanging out together. Both John and Kayla have great senses of humor and are quick to laugh. He easily fell in love with Kayla’s compassionate nature.
“Ever since our first date, we have been inseparable. I knew after that day that she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Kayla is an amazing woman. She always shows compassion for everyone around her, and tunes into their feelings and needs so well,” John shared.
They began trying to get pregnant soon after they were married in 2008. After five years without success, they decided it was time to start the adoption process. As an adoptee, John said that it was an easy choice for them and it helps him feel more connected to his birth and adoptive families. Their perspectives have really shaped John and Kayla’s views on adoption and what they hope that their relationship with their birthmother will be like. They would love to have an open adoption and raise their child in a way that honors that connection.
“I can just see one day, the birthmother of our child meeting my birthmother. That would be really special,” John shared.
John and Kayla dream of a future raising their family together. They have attended all of the necessary trainings and classes through Boys & Girls Aid to prepare them, and they are excited and ready to welcome a child into their home. John and Kayla now hope that a third message from a stranger will transform their lives again, this time making them parents.