Relief Care: A Vital Piece of the Puzzle
Relief care – also called respite care – is a key part of Boys & Girls Aid’s therapeutic foster care programs. Most importantly, it allows full-time foster parents to take paid time off. It also gives those who want to foster, but can’t make a full-time commitment, a way to step into the role. Relief parents provide care in their home for foster children on a temporary basis, often for a weekend or planned vacation. They can also provide care for children or teens who are waiting for a local agency to find a longer-term home.
“What motivates me most is supporting foster parents,” said Karl Hirsch, relief care provider with Boys & Girls Aid. “Full-time foster parents are doing things I can’t do. But if I can use my tools, time, energy, and space as a relief parent, I can support them.”
“Respite parents are vital,” said Mary-Jackelyn Downing, Program Director of Boys & Girls Aid’s Stabilization, Transition and Evaluation Program (STEP) program, which serves youth referred by the juvenile justice system. “Being a full-time foster parent can be a hard job, and because of respite providers, they can get a break to recharge.”
“I don’t know if I have a lasting impact on the lives of youth, but it’s satisfying to think I might, just by being a reliable adult who takes the time to listen to them and treat them like young adults.”
What makes a good relief foster parent? “Someone who is flexible and compassionate but can also have a healthy detachment and not take things personally,” Mary-Jackelyn said. “It’s important to have a willingness to let kids figure it out, and not jump in to try to fix their problems.”
Karl agrees: “My mantra is ‘meet kids where they are at.’”
Karl offers relief care once a month on average. When he has a foster youth placement, the first thing they do is go to the grocery store together. “They can pick out the food they want,” Karl said, “and that gives them some measure of control and comfort.” He’ll also explain expectations and rules to prevent confusion and eliminate fear of the unknown. During a weekend placement, Karl sometimes plans activities based on the youth’s interests. In the past, children have wanted to cook, read, watch tv, play games, or take walks. He also has a Nintendo Switch (“best purchase ever”) and has seen the latest Spiderman movie twice so far.
“I don’t know if I have a lasting impact on the lives of youth,” Karl said, “but it’s satisfying to think I might, just by being a reliable adult who takes the time to listen to them and treat them like young adults.”
If you are thinking of being a relief care parent, Karl’s advice is “just do it.”
“It is far more satisfying, fulfilling and fun than I thought it would be,” he said. “And it is far less intimidating and concerning. I've always felt a special connection to the kids who stay with me, even if it’s just for a day.”
By Michelle Carew
February 2022