Fergal Donoher and Caprice Neely have a lot they’re thankful for.
They’ve traveled the world and have become pillars of their community, helping lead a number of local businesses and organizations. Yet, the part of their lives they’re most grateful for started in an unexpected place.
Years ago, the couple decided that they wanted to adopt. However, as they began researching their options, it became clear that most agencies wouldn’t place children with a family that looked like theirs.
“We’d reach out to agencies and get turned away because we weren’t married, or because our collective age was over what they would allow, et cetera,” Caprice recalls.
That all changed when Caprice saw a flyer taped on the door of a restroom stall at Touché, a former restaurant in Portland. It was an ad for Boys & Girls Aid’s all-options counseling services for those navigating an unplanned pregnancy. The flyer's non-judgmental message reflected the values Fergal and Caprice were looking for in an adoption agency, and they recognized that Boys & Girls Aid may be the right partner to facilitate their adoption.
Within a few months of connecting with Boys & Girls Aid, Fergal and Caprice were chosen by a birth mother to adopt her unborn baby. Two months later, their daughter Maisie was born. It was a moment of profound joy for the new parents, but the significance of the birth mother’s choice weighed heavily on them.
“While we were so happy to be bringing a child home, I felt dreadfully guilty, like I was a thief,” Fergal reflects. “I remember as we were leaving the hospital with our daughter, her birth mom said, ‘Thank you for giving her the life that I couldn’t.’ It sounded like a line from a movie script because it was so perfect how she said it — and she meant it.”
Nearly 15 years have passed since their family came together, and it feels like Maisie has grown up overnight. Now a high school freshman, she’s experiencing all the rites of passage that come with being a teenager from learning to drive, to working her first summer job, and even singing in a rock band. Although the family loves to tease each other — and Maisie can’t help but cringe when her dad tries (and fails) to use what he calls “young person lingo,” their bond has always been incredibly strong.
“Having Maisie in our lives has been the greatest gift we could’ve ever received,” Fergal says. “Having gratitude and saying thank you doesn’t cover it because we could never give enough to match what we’ve been given.”
For Fergal and Caprice, it was never up for debate whether they would turn this gratitude into impact. Since adopting Maisie in 2011, the family has remained deeply connected to Boys & Girls Aid, becoming some of the organization's most dedicated supporters. Fergal has served on Boys & Girls Aid’s Board of Directors for more than a decade (including six years as Board Chair), and the family has rallied their community to support the agency.
“I really want to show my support and let other adopted kids know they’re not alone.”
“The organization has just impacted our life so much, and it’s become such an important part of our family’s life and the fabric of who we are,” Caprice explains. “As we learned about how much Boys & Girls Aid does to support kids beyond infant adoption, we were like, ‘How could we not want to do everything we can to help?’”
For the Neely Donoher family, giving back to the causes they’re thankful for is a family affair. Maisie, too, has become an outspoken advocate for Boys & Girls Aid and adoption in her own right. She proudly shares her experiences as an adoptee with just about anyone who will listen, and she regularly requests that friends and family donate to the agency in lieu of gifts for the holidays.
“I really want to show my support and let other adopted kids know they’re not alone,” Maisie explains. “I always try to tell people about Boys & Girls Aid and how they show up for everyone, including the [adopted] kid, and focus a lot on my birth mom and how she made a hard decision to give me the life I deserve — and how I’m with an amazing family.”
This National Adoption Month, you can help Boys & Girls Aid continue to create loving families through open adoptions. Your donation to Boys & Girls Aid helps ensure children and youth can build lifelong stability through connections to loving families, supportive adults, and nurturing environments.
