In Her Own Words: Casey's Story

Left to right: “E” (Rosabella’s brother), Casey, Rosabella

My name is Casey, I'm writing this letter to tell you my story of my journey with open adoption. When I got pregnant, I never in my mind thought about putting my daughter up for adoption. It was definitely a tough decision to make at 6 months pregnant. My heart ached with just the thought of it. I didn't want to imagine a life without my child. I was scared of never seeing her again, scared of her never knowing who I am, who her brother is, or knowing her extended family. I was scared that adoption was just an easy way for somebody to gain a child without going through the hard work of pregnancy. I was naive. Until, I had conversations with my partner at the time and his parents; who also went through the process, not once, but twice, through the [Boys & Girls Aid] agency, actually. It shifted my thoughts about the idea. I learned it takes a lot of work and dedication for a couple to go through the process as well.

I did some research, made the call, and started the journey with a case worker named Megan. She was great! She got the ball rolling quite fast and I got to meet with her and had some more deeper conversations about the process and what to expect from it. She had all the answers to the questions I had. She was there when I needed to talk to her and was very comforting. When I received the portfolios of all the families, one particular couple really stuck out to me when I was reading their letter to me. I cried, I felt ease and almost a feeling of relief. I felt their love, compassion and everything all at once... Nothing with the other letters I read, just theirs… I, to this day, feel as though Rosabella herself, helped me pick her Mom and Dad. It was a very touching moment reading their sweet and loving words.

After making the decision, I got to meet Kimmie and Ray. I met with them a few times over the last (3rd) trimester of the pregnancy, and we talked about lots of different things. They were open to some of the concerns I had at the time, because some of it was very overwhelming and hitting so many different feelings for me. But, meeting them made my decision final, I knew they were the ones for sure!

When the day came to be induced, they were in the hospital just one room over. I got to visit with Rosabella for roughly an hour or so, then handed her over to go meet Her Mom and Dad. She stayed the night with them in the hospital. The next morning before I was discharged from the hospital, I got to visit with Rosabella once more. It was a very emotional day. I felt alone and depressed, but also felt like I did something good. I made a decision to complete someones family, and a decision that fulfilled their dreams. I made the hardest decision to give my daughter a life I could not give her. 

The first year I was confused. I was so deeply depressed, post partum hit me worse than imagined. But being able to talk to Kimmie and Ray regularly, seeing photos of her almost every day, and them being so quick to answer my messages when I just needed to know how things are going. I felt in my heart I made the best choice I had ever made. Going through the PPD [Postpartum Depression], the thought would go through my head that it would just be best that I close the adoption. I felt I was being too much to them. I felt it would be easier for everyone. However, expressing myself to Kimmie, she always assured me that it's okay. She always assured me that they think about me all the time and how grateful they are of me and how much I'm loved by them. It just always made me feel better to push through to the next day. 

5 years later, I have never, ever regretted my decision to do an open adoption. I still talk to her Mom and Dad regularly to this day and have visits with them a couple times a year. They have been to my son's birthdays, visits for my birthdays, they met my grandma, a couple of my aunts, all my sisters, and their kids (Rosabella’s cousins). We have even done family visits for holiday events. It all has been so great. They always make us feel included in their life, being able to watch her grow up with them and to see them be the best parents to her. I love every minute of it. At the end of the day we are all just one big family, which I am eternally grateful for! Open adoption has changed our lives for the better. 

With deep love,

Casey