The Love That Happens

Fergal and Caprice adopted Maisie in 2011 who is now 7-years-old. Through this adoption journey, Fergal became one of our amazing Board of Directors and an advocate for children in the foster care system. This is their story.

In May of 2011, my wife and I started the adoption process preparing ourselves for what we knew could be a long journey. However, we were approved in August and then matched in October of 2011 with Maisie. It all happened more quickly than we anticipated and consider ourselves very fortunate. From our perspective it was tough because we knew there were people who'd been waiting for years. We were really lucky; we waited only seven months. One of the reasons why Maisie’s birth mom, picked us was because her family has strong Irish and Scottish heritage, and when she saw that I was Irish, her grandmother said, “Pick the Irish guy!”. I think that was part of the connection, having shared family heritage.

Maisie’s birth mom was 22 when she got pregnant. She was adopted herself and had an understanding of what adoption can mean for everyone involved. We also met with her parents and they are wonderful people. What Maisie’s birth mom did, the choice she made, is a hugely selfless act.

It was a beautiful sunny day when Maisie was born. She was only ten minutes old when we got to hold her – what an amazing experience.

“I used to overthink the bonding concept with Maisie, but I’ve learned to relax and settle in with it. And now I have such an amazing relationship with her. But it takes time. Don’t overthink it, don’t try and force anything because anything you force never works out well”

— Fergal

Three days later, we got to take Maisie home. As I gave Maisie’s birth mom a hug, she said, “Thank you for giving her the life that I can't.” This will last with me forever.

We have visited her often and it is always great to spend time with her. Maisie knows her story, she understands the concept of adoption, and she still does have some questions at times. She seems extremely comfortable with it because we always share with her and we are open about it. And Maisie is very open about adoption; she tells people that she's adopted. Last year, in school she had to talk about something that was different about herself. So, she said, “I want to tell people I'm adopted.” Once she did, she found out other kids were adopted too.

Maisie is now 7 and she is incredibly kind. If she sees someone who is hurting, a kid or an adult, she always wants to make sure they're OK. She is a sensitive and very happy child, often starts singing for no reason, and she is very tough. She loves to travel and has been to Ireland seven times already. She gets on a plane and is comfortable, logging nearly 60 thousand air miles in her short life. She also loves her doggies and has two dogs that she just adores.

I used to overthink the bonding concept with Maisie, but I’ve learned to relax and settle in with it. And now I have such an amazing relationship with her. But it takes time. Don't overthink it, don't try and force anything because anything you force never works out well. Maisie recently asked about her birth father, who chose to not be involved. Unprompted, Maisie said to me, “You know how I want to meet my birth father someday and I might want to spend a day or 2 with him? Well, you know, no one could ever take me away from you because you’re my Daddy.” All I can say is, my heart burst.

Adoption gives you a whole new insight into the challenges that kids face. When you meet other birth parents and adoptive parents you realize how difficult it can be. Our path was relatively easy, but it can be very difficult, and then after becoming an ambassador at Boys & Girls Aid, I learned more about the foster care system. Without my connection to Boys & Girls Aid, I would have never realized there are 8000 children in foster care in Oregon every night. That just seems unfair. When we adopted, we didn’t consider fostering because we had a skewed and flawed perception of children in foster care. We didn’t realize that these kids are in the system through no fault of their own and face many challenges; and the fact is that these kids deserve so much better. Puts life in perspective. And it pains me when I hear of what some of these children have to go through. It's unfortunate, but people just make this assumption that foster kids are flawed or that they're bad, that it's their fault. What have they done? Why are they in foster care? They didn't do anything; they didn't ask to be in foster care. They have experienced hardship and now need a safe place to heal, live and thrive.

I think foster parents are amazing people because I now realize all of the people who foster these children and care for them, love them and guide them – do so, knowing that these kids either move back to their birth home or are adopted. It’s truly selfless.

After we adopted Maisie, we wanted to give back, contribute and support the children in foster care. I got to know Suzan, the President & CEO of Boys & Girls Aid by attending events to learn more about the difficulties that Boys & Girls Aid works to overcome on behalf of children. And when I was asked to join the Board, I gladly accepted. I'm very proud to say that I'm a member of the Board and it’s very humbling to be a part of the work being done.

The utopian dream is that one day there won’t be kids in foster care. The job is done.

My goal today is spreading awareness. I tell people the stories and statistics - annually over 430,000 children are in foster care nationally, and people are shocked. These are not kids who are problematic, these are just kids who are moved from place to place and through that lose trust. All they want and need is a loving home. I hear the stories at the Fostering Futures event, and when I see kids who are facing exiting the system without support, I want to do more for them.

How can we all do more for them?

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